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Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Bébé(s) in theater Mother's Day 2010

i've long time not feeling of joy and curiosity. it's just like my life exsists for works and studies. how to perform perfectly is the only reason i've been considering. and that makes me skanky and selfish. for a period i don't realize why i'm so unhappy, i keep controlling myself to achieve higher and higher, but that makes me always uptight. seriously, that kind of tension almost kills me. there was for three months, whole day, only a question reminds me, "why i need to live?" not untill i woke up one day, saw a neibor of mine, carrying her baby, busy doing the house work. her baby was in silence, not asleeps, but just kept looking around, waving its head to see everything. that makes me curious. when i was little, like eight years old or even younger, there were thousands of questions popped in my mind : why the color should be like that? why it smells that way when frying rice? why people are high that i can barely see their face?
these old questions, and the feeling i've been experienced in my childhood back to my mind. after that, questions bothering me becomes if i'm going to do this, will i regret? why not do something i feel great? the idea is ridiculously good, i'm gonna find way to realize it...
just like a little child, do what i feel like, react straightly what i feel like, not barry all feelings in my mind. that's a great life, to be honest.i don't know what kind of movie it's goona be, jusging from what i've saw, it's gonna be a very typical documentary film. but it arrouse my passion, my curiousty and keen feelings, i feel it will be a amazing journey to live with these beeautiful babies.

快樂和好奇的感覺對我來說已經消失了好一段時間,生活中就只充斥著工作和讀書而已。我只想著要表現最好的一面,為了能勝過別人,我把自己變得很自私而且讓別人很討厭。因為這樣有很長一段時間極度不快樂,只是一昧地往自己的目標邁進,那樣的生活讓我無時無刻都恐慌、緊張,結果也導致我幾乎為此自殺。此後整整三個月中的每一天我都在想著我存在的意義為何?直到有一天一早剛清醒,我看著我的鄰居帶著小孩,忙進忙出,做所有的家事。我看著那小孩,很安靜地張望四周,我很好奇到底他在想什麼。剎那,我想到我小時候,所有我想問得問題都像是: 為什麼每一種顏色是長那樣子?為什麼煮飯的味道又是那樣? 為什麼人們都那麼高,我幾乎看不到他們的臉?現在我覺得看起來很愚蠢的一些問題,但其實這樣生活很快樂。
這些小問題和我當時我經歷過的感知似乎又瞬間回到了我的體內,就好像我又回到了我八歲的樣子。經歷過那一天,我的思考沒有以前的功利,反而只是很單純的想著我做這些事情以後會後悔嗎?為什麼不做一些覺得超爽的事情?某個點子超酷的,我要想個辦法來完成它...之類的想法。就好像一個小孩一樣,很直接的作任何反應,不再把情緒扛在身上,只做直覺很棒的事情。這樣的生活讓我覺得更充實也快樂的多。
我其實不曉得這部片的故事,從現在能看得到的資料裡,我只曉得它會是一部紀錄片,刻劃四個來自不同國家的小孩的生活,我想這會是一次不用太多想法就能很快樂的體驗。

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